She was ransacking her wardrobe to find something more conservative for the girls' nightout. That's right, usually it is supposed to be hot and spicy, but considering her company of other girl friends and the fact that she already has a wild image, she decides to play it down this time. She is a sweet gal and is not comfortable with the wildernesschic image that people tag with her. I've a wild side too, but do I show it often,Why do I care, Why am I even having this conversation with myself, she says to herself while getting dressed. She decides to get really drunk this time to get over her feelings of void. She was actually never into him so much. But something was pulling her towards him, like he was a magnet and she nothing but a cold piece of iron. Was it just pure lust? No, she liked him, genuinely. Yes, she did enjoy the intimacy. Sex? No, she didn't. Probably she never wanted it from him. He was too far to get there. Emotionally, they lived on different planes. May be that's why she always found herself alone, even now as she was travelling towards her friend's place for the nightout.
They were having a small get together at the spinster's party with few known friends. It looked like 'Dress minimal' was the order of the day. She wondered why she always thought different. It was just her way may be. Girls were surprised looking at her which made her think what the heck and threw her long, flowing skirt for barely-a-skirt. It was lot of fun with the vodka, tequila shots, gossip, dances, photos et al. Girls truly are loud when get together. Amidst all this she lost track of how much alcohol she already gulped down her throat that all she could hear now was only the voices in her head. Rest looked like an illusion. There was nothing but her dream. She created a chaos for herself and the rest, made the place a mess and finally collapsed.
The next way was even worse. Why was she in a different pair of clothes and wet hair? Her friend tells her about the mighty adventure she had the night before and how they got her naked to give a cold water bath. Things didn't quite add up there. How could someone take charge of her personal space when she is not in her senses? How could her friend take her for granted? There was nothing more than a feeling of violation and resentment. She was mad! So mad, she wanted to punch that wierdo so hard, she'd have trouble getting up ever. But she controlled and thanked her for being there. The loud chatter was still going on in the other room. May be the rest of the group who didn't dare to drink as much as her were still on with the party, except a little boring. Just some tea in the morning, breakfast and what to do for the rest of the day chatter. Someone's phone goes off ringing to the latest romantic numbers. Well atleast there is still love around she says to herself waking up with a heavy head, feeling almost dead both physically and emotionally. Everything was a mistake. The dress she chose to wear, the mess she created, secrets given away, the unwanted shower, the tequila, the food, the call she made to him during the drunk state, well, he himself. She felt she was stuck. It wasn't the alcohol talking, she knew she was out of a dream. A dream that was tied to her eyes for so long. She didn't know what made her feel so drained out, the drinks or the thoughts or it was both.
After letting the day pass by acting dead, she decides to make things right in her life. A hot shower would be the first one to get there. Washed, dressed and back in senses, she calls him to meet her at the cafe. Oh, well, he is already at the cafe, only about to leave. What?! couldn't he wait a while longer for me? She didn't deserve it. Any of what was going on. After shedding a few tears and reading his message over and over to meet him at home, she finally gets the point. The decision to sort things out in her life was correct, but not meeting him. Quickly, she pulls out the hidden cigarettes from the wardrobe, vodka from the rack, the clothes she wore the night before, his memories out of her mind into the trash. With a final goodbye message, she cuts the bond between, or the one hanging in the air with an end only tied to her and goes back to sleep. She would never allow anymore to take her for granted anymore. Neither her friends nor the men in her life.
New days , new beginnings await her.
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